Tripping down memory lane so I can focus on the future...

    So first off let me say a quick thank you to those of you who have already shown me love & support!! Also, Chris...hows this font?? LOL Anyway...

    So in order to share my journey forward with everyone, I thought perhaps a quick look into my past may be helpful. No I will not be beginning with something coy like "it was a dark and stormy night..." however I think that in order for people to understand a struggle, they need to see the whole picture.
    When I was a child I was fairly normal and healthy until I reached third grade. At that point in my life I think I went through some pretty tough times for a kid. I was bullied and picked on, didn't have many friends, and began rebelling in my school work. I would refuse to do assignments and spent a good deal of time in the principals office. My mother can attest to this. LOL. Anyway, at that point, if you look at any of the pictures from my childhood, you can see the difficulties reflected in my weight gain. Obviously as a child that made me miss popular! (NOT!)
      So lets fast forward a bit now. I spent the remainder of my "school days" overweight and with only a handful of close friends, who I am happy to say have always stuck by me and are still my friends to this day!! (Love you guys!) College was nightmarish. As most girls go off to school and worry about gaining 10-15lbs, I was already overweight and again the subject of ridicule. Imagine being in a theatre program where you are constantly thrown in front of people (by your own choice) and those same people who are suppose to help nurture your creativity and support your learning are instead ostracizing you and treating you like the dirt you already feel like. So after 5 1/2 years of college and within 2 semesters of a degree the inevitable (well if you were there you would have seen it as inevitable) happened. My parents got divorced. Even though it was inevitable, it was still painful. My mother moved out with my brother and I stayed with my father while my sister was in college out of state. Things were difficult for me. I never really got along well with my father to begin with, and now here I was living with him, with no one else to turn to. I became depressed, dropped out of college and threw myself into working at a job that would not get me anywhere.
       About this time I was introduced, by my father, to a co worker of his. This man would incredibly quickly become my husband. If I knew then what I know now I would have run screaming!!!  Over the course of 7 months I would move in with, marry, and become pregnant with this man. EEK! Oh well, depression makes people do CRAZY things. Plus, this man said he loved me. Which, when you are 225lbs is hard to come by, or so I thought.
       After the birth of my wonderful, beautiful daughter, I spent the next two years ballooning up to a whopping 303lbs. I had had enough. My body hurt all the time, I was MISERABLE, I couldn't play with my daughter, I was short of breath and people were very worried about me and my health. I started researching Gastric Bypass Surgery, and by the time my daughter turned 2 I was prepped and ready to go. Three days after my daughters second birthday, I went under the knife. It was not as easy as I thought it would be, and it took its toll in far wider ways than I could have ever imagined. The first 6 weeks after surgery you are only allowed a liquid diet. OH MISERY! How much I grew to hate soup!! LOL. Plus about 3 months or so after my surgery my gallbladder failed. Of course the wonderful doctors at Fatima hospital in RI were all over me demanding to know why I was having pancreatitis as this is generally caused by drinking too my alcohol! Plus they wanted to take my gallbladder out on the spot, which would have killed me. Thankfully I was cognitive enough to request a transfer to RI hospital, where I had had my original surgery, and where my surgeon told me how close I was to being killed by the other doctors...YIKES!!! So after the pancreatitis went away and I had my gallbladder removed, things were going a lot more smoothly until, I became pregnant. Now ordinarily this wouldn't have been an issue, except for the fact that I was only 8 months post op, and the surgeon told me that I shouldn't get pregnant until at least a year post op. WHOOPS! So my pregnancy was closely monitored by my OBGYN and the surgeon. I continued to lose weight, even though the baby was getting bigger. Everyone was pleased, except for my husband. In retrospect I suppose I should have noticed it much earlier, but when your happy, little things don't cross your radar like they do when your depressed.
      After the birth of my beautiful baby boy I was down to 178lbs. I had lost approx 125lbs and I was the happiest I had ever been. I could clothes shop and feel good about it, I was wearing skirts & shorts & cute shoes. I was sooooo happy. However, my husband was becoming more and more miserable. In short, my weight loss, which made me so happy, killed his happiness. He noticed people noticing me and he didn't like it. It caused fights, which I am sad to say were quite vicious. He became depressed, couldn't hold a job, drank more, cared less. Eventually it came to a head when I moved out. I went to live with a friend for about 6 months, during which time he got even worse and I got a lawyer. Under the advisement of my lawyer, I moved back into our home, only to be attacked by my husband.
     During this time of misery and hardship, the pounds came back, with a vengence. I was now back over 200lbs and the depression set back in. In the midst of all my trauma I met a man who would change my outlook of my life. My love, Ralph, came to me at a time when I needed kindness and support. He was and still is the most wonderful person in the world to me. He treated me with respect, he cared for me and my children, and he was supportive in all my decisions. When he came into my life I weighed in at 217lbs. Through the time of my separation and divorce I had lost about 15 to 20 lbs. I wasnt feeling great about myself and the weight loss came more due to lack of will to eat than anything else, but when Ralph came into the picture he made me happy again. Unfortunately sometimes happiness is accompanied by weight gain. LOL. So two years into our relationship I weighed in at 247lbs. I was never happier with life, but my body was another story.
     About this time two of my friends from work were talking about this really great plan they were following to lose weight. My close friends Charlie and Valerie were using the Weight Watchers Quick Start Program to not only lose weight, but train themselves how to eat properly. I found this concept intriguing, and watched their progress fairly closely. I watched as Valerie became lost in her clothing and I was overjoyed the day Charlie said to me "look at this!!!" (pointing to his ass) He was thrilled at the fact that he lost several pants sizes and bought new pants! (This was also extremely hilarious! You had to be there!!) Anyway, I decided it was time for a change. I went onto Amazon.com and ordered a copy of the book for 99cents!! Best 99 cents I have ever invested I might add! It took a while for us to get started. The book was a little confusing, and Ralph, who LOVES to cook, was a tad obstinate. However starting mid November 2010, we got underway. I'd love to say it was easy and we did great, but that would be suuuuuch a lie!!! LOL We picked the worst time to think about dieting. With Thanksgiving and Christmas looming, and Ralph crying for his rice & beans, I dug in my heels and pushed towards my weight loss.
      The first two months were awful. we didn't lose much, we were stuck in a menu rut and the holidays were killer. But January came and I dug in harder. I started working two jobs and the menu became a bit boring for it. I stuck with the same plan for several weeks at a time out of sheer laziness and exhaustion. But the weight began to come off and we were happy. Finally we were seeing results. Then at work, a couple of girls were discussing having a girls only biggest loser contest. Motivation!!! We decided that in order for it to work, we were gonna have to buckle down and really focus on this plan. I started sitting with the book and picking out recipes, things that spoke to our varied palettes. We started exploring new food options, rather than the same old "italian or spanish" typical foods. We have made cooking fun again and enjoy spending time with each other in the kitchen creating new things and enjoying the fruits of our labors. Through the biggest loser contest I gained more focus and determination to reach my goals and become healthy. Now mind you, the biggest loser isnt over yet...so I'm not going to reveal my total pounds lost...LOL I have one week to go and I am determined to lose enough to win! But in a week I will reveal my weight loss total for the contest and overall, so don't worry! I would however like to share that Ralph has lost 20lbs over all and has lost his diabetes. This is huge for us! With his sugars under control, without the use of medication, he can feel better about himself and his confidence in this plan has become even stronger! He is my biggest supporter and now hes even more so, because as Charlie and Valerie pointed out, its a lifestyle change...not a diet. For the longest time it seemed like the "diet" would end and we would go back to the same old eating habits. But now, all that has changed. We can see portions for what they are, we can tell how many servings if we eat out. We can say no to things much easier now than we could before. Why would we throw that away and go backwards??? LOL
      So now, from this point on in this blog I will be sharing my daily struggles, what recipes are completely awesome, and which ones are not so much. How my "exercise" or lack of is going...lol. And any time anyone has a question I will be more than happy to answer it. (just don't ask about the weight loss til after next week! lol) So feel free to comment, suggest, share with friends, or just say hi! Lots of love and support guys!!!